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Anonymous Critic

Not Playing With A Full Deck: Televised Poker

February 21, 2007

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When I was young, I would follow my big brother to the arcade and watch him play Pong, or Pac Man, or maybe even a little skee ball. I’d crane my neck and watch him work his magic, try to learn his strategy, understand his style, and hopefully retain a thing or two for when I got older, and could play these games myself.

But, ultimately, I just got bored, because—and this is important—watching other people play games while you sit idly by and watch is boring.

Which brings me to the present, as I flip channels, and come across televised poker. I’m instantly four years old again, waiting for a turn that will never come, and my mind wanders, and I just get bored.

What is it about poker on television? What am I missing?

It began simply enough, buried in a terrible time slot in one of the lesser ESPN networks, mostly as a cheap way to kill time, and a good opportunity for the Las Vegas Department of Tourism to run a glut of “what happens here, stays here” ads for prospective gamblers.

But then, inexplicably, something happened. The televised poker game became big business. Network business to be exact. Bigger than professional hockey, the smallest of American sports’ “big four”. The World Series of Poker is wildly popular, run-of-the-mill games regularly appear on networks on weekend days, NBC runs a late night game, and boy...if you never understand the necessity for an "Anonymous Critic" -- keep in mind you're reading this post on a site owned by Bravo, the original purveyors of televised celebrity poker.

Can someone please explain to me what the appeal is? Why would anyone want to watch someone else play a card game?

I understand the allure of the gamble, and the gambler. I enjoy a good Western, and the necessary card games to make it part of the genre. But those games are part of a larger story, they help build dramatic tension, and have some influence on what happens next.

These “sporting events”, however, are just plain dull. I’m not one to say what is or isn’t a sport (Curling? Ice Dancing? Chess? I’ll take the fifth, thank you very much), and some would say that poker and black jack are not “sports” as much as they are “games”, but they should at least supply viewers with something to watch. It is television, after all.

Are we expected to watch the famous “poker faces”? Am I wrong, or isn’t the purpose of a good poker face to not show anything? What, then, are we supposed to look at?

“Oh wow, did you see his face? Absolutely nothing just happened.”
“Yeah… these guys must be the best!”

No thank you.

There is a plus side to this television fad: I never need help getting to sleep anymore. If I’m up late, awake past even Carson Daly, I can count on the subsequent late night poker game to put me out like a light. On a weekend afternoon? I find one of the multiple ESPN’s, a little Texas Hold ‘Em, and I’ll nap for the afternoon. Televised poker is like Ambien without side effects, and while it makes me crazy, I will miss it when the fad is over.