Desperate for "Sex"

May 22, 2006

Ever since "Sex and the City" bid us a fabulously French farewell, I've spent many nights in a frantic, thumb-crippling frenzy surfing for a fashion fix. For six glorious years, Sunday nights were a fashion junkie's paradise. I sipped exotic martinis and mainlined Manolo, Malandrino and Mischka. Nibbled on truffles and fell into a Valentino and Vivienne Westwood-induced trance.

I won't soon forget the dark, empty period following the tearful finale. I barely survived the sensible Gap of the "Gilmore Girls" and the polyester pants on QVC. To be honest, I don't think I really started to breathe again until I saw a promising teaser for a brand new ABC show:

Five perky women. Check.

The requisite diverse hair colors: Brunette, redhead (just like Miranda's!), blond, sorta-blond. Check.

Playful banter. Check.

Basic Ts, purple lace camisoles, hot pink tanks. Uncheck.

What started out as hopeful, ended up ho-hum. And after giving "Desperate Housewives" a few seasons to get it right, I decided that the show's fashion sense is well ... just wrong.

To start with, it's hard to say what the women of Wisteria Lane would wear if they ever wore anything besides their lingerie (except for Bree, who rarely is seen in anything but Ralph Lauren v-neck cashmere). And would somone remind Eva Longoria's stylist that "off the shoulder" sweaters went out with Michael Jackson's Off the Wall?

It's not that they don't have solid names in the mix. I caught a glimpse or two of Diane von Furstenberg, Elie Tahari and True Religion. But the predominant brands are mall favorites like Juicy Couture, Banana Republic and J. Crew. And before you point out the fact that "Desperate Housewives" is set in suburbia, let me remind you that television is supposed to be all about fantasy. Fantasy, people!

Bring back breathtaking Balenciaga pink polka-dot dresses and Versace Couture. Throw in some exquisitely cut Theory or frilly Nanetta Lepore. But please, powers that be on the TV ... don't doom us to cul de sac chic. --Nichole Robertson