June, 2006 »
May 31, 2006
She last 42 minutes. On Katie Couric’s final day as co-host of the “Today” show, America’s sweetheart kept her eyes dry for more than a half hour. Then the floodgates opened.
Katie stopped crying as she revisited an inspiring school principal, a woman raped in Central Park, survivors of the Columbine school shooting, and the World Trade Center bombing families, as well as the parent of a boy who died of brain cancer.
But then it was back to morning television banter and tears. Co-host Matt Lauer said: “People talk about chemistry, but I’ve never been able to define it. From my end it came from genuine love and respect and I’m going to miss you.”
Next stop for Ms. C… the CBS Evening News.
Silver fox Dennis Farina is leaving the greatest (or just most popular) whodunit on television, “Law & Order.” Coming on the heels of the death of actor Annie Parisse’s character in the season finale, this means relatively big changes for the series.
Farina replaced the beloved Jerry Orbach after he passed away in 2004. According to Farina’s peeps: “He’s leaving to pursue other offers and projects being developed by his production company.”
Mega-small-screen-stardom just wasn’t enough for him?
At this point, we’re sick of Michelle Rodriguez and her jailhouse adventures. But we have to mention that the ex-“Lost” castaway was released from her 60-day sentence after less than one day. The reason? Overcrowding in L.A. prisons.
“We are not happy about it, but that is the sad reality of our overcrowded jails,” said an L.A. County Jail spokesperson. A friend of Rodriguez told People magazine that “Ana Lucia” understood the severity of her situation and that this was not a “get out of jail free” experience.
No word about the thousands of other non-violent probation violators locked up. Any of them getting out free?
May 30, 2006
While the ladies on Wisteria Lane take their summer break, the “Footballers Wive$” are taking over. Starting this Sunday, and then running for nine weeks, the British drama about young wealthy athletes and their trashy lives will unfold its fourth season.
“The show panders to the basic elements of any good drama,” says Brian Park, executive producer. “Lust, greed, avarice, comeuppance, envy: all the sins. No sin is knowingly undersold.”
Park credits “Dallas” and “Dynasty” for paving the way for “Footballer’s” success. But let’s face it. When Tanya (played by Zoe Lucker, left) screwed her husband to death last season, the imported show dug its fingernails into our subconscious even further. The shenanigans on the show have been called “amazing skullduggery.” We call it brilliant — and, luckily, not yet cancelled.
Americans may be currently trapped in a we-love-horses moment — thanks to Barbaro’s tragic injury. For original Trekkie William Shatner, equine love is nothing new.
Shatner has long been involved with Ahead With Horses, a California charity that works with physically and mentally disabled children through horseback riding. “We know that the use of a horse in their therapy takes them beyond their handicapped body,” Shatner says, “and into another area of health.”
Next up, the Middle East. Shatner and friends are raising $10 million to build 30 riding programs in Israel. He believes the program will help foster peace in the Middle East.
Charlie’s sister may need her own 5-cent psychiatric help. The voice Lucy is now an animal rights activist — cool, right? We love Snoopy, too. But she and her husband took their pro-canine protesting a little too far.
Pamelyn Ferdin (Lucy) and her husband Jerry Vlasak were convicted of handing out leaflets outside a shelter owner’s front door -- at his home! The law says you need to stay 100 feet from a person’s residence while protesting.
Ferdin said the conviction represents “a real sad time in our history,” and then compared her conviction to anti-Communist witch-hunts of the 1950s. Alrighty then, here’s 5-cents. Now go get some help!
May 29, 2006
MTV has given the go ahead for Jennifer Lopez’s new reality show, “Moves.” The self-inspired show will follow six motivated dancers as they shake their booties for rent money. Jenny from the Block will make appearances, offering words of wisdom and sharing personal stories from her own path to success. Lopez is an executive producer on the eight-episode showcase, set to air in the fall. Let’s hope they’ve already filmed this “Fame”-meets-“Flashdance” reality, since rumors of baby-Lo are gaining traction.
Snapshots of the superstar baring grey roots and the unexplained cancellation of her summer tour all point to Lopez’s earlier promise that if she were to get pregnant, her health would trump her career. Advice to dancers: First impressions will count with Jenny, since that may be the only time you’ll get to see her!
May 26, 2006
Forget listening to your fave newsy podcast, NBC News is joining the downloadable fray. Well, “news” should be in quotation marks because for timely headlines you’ll have to check with MSNBC, CNBC, and their related websites.
But for almost-news — such as a narrated visit to hurricane-ravaged New Orleans or Tom Brokaw extolling about his Favorite, er, “Greatest Generation” — then log onto Apple’s iTunes. For two bucks you can listen to the anchors mellow voices or something a little catchier such as “Tattoos: Skin Deep.” Question: How do you listen to a tattoo?
The most intriguing offering — of vital interest to at least four or five people under the age of 50 — is “a tour of the White House offered by first lady Jacqueline Kennedy.” Now that is the kind of entertainment iTunes was made for!
We knew Mr. Rose had a heart attack — thus the repeats and guest hosts on his brilliant-but-static "The Charlie Rose Show.” We didn’t quite realize the international-ness or the severity of his cardiac ailment.
Rose is now sharing the genesis of his illness. In late March, while traveling in Syria, he “developed heart trouble that required surgery in Paris and a month-long hospital stay.” The 64-year-old said his doctors in the U.S. were aware of a weakness in his heart, but didn’t expect trouble so soon. “It deteriorated faster than we thought,” Rose says. He felt the trauma as soon as his plane departed Damascus for Paris.
Next up for the solemn talk show host? Doctors have ordered him to stay home in Henderson, North Carolina — and to “read, walk, visit friends and dine out.” Hmm…sounds just like our life at the Brilliant But Cancelled offices.
May 25, 2006
Sources close to dead presidents report that he wept in his grave last night when Ryan Seacrest — the happy host of “American Idol” — announced that more than 63 million votes were cast during the final competition.
“That’s more than any president in the history of our country has received,” he said with a straight face.
It’s unclear if instead holding debates, the 2008 presidential election will feature a reality show segment so Americans may be inspired to leave the couch and head to the polls.
The “Gilligan’s Island”-on-crack ABC success story went out with a bang—literally—last night. And by the time the credits rolled, Locke and Eko were M.I.A. and likely dead. Or they were at least deaf from that sonic boom. (Loved the super-cheesy-special effect of whiting out the screen.)
Well, fans don’t have to wait until the fall for more “Lost.” ABC Television Group’s Touchstone Television (is that name long enough?) and McFarlane Toys are launching six-inch dolls of Jack, Kate, Hurley, Charlie and Shannon.
We gotta ask: Why are only the All-American-looking white characters becoming toys? No Jin? No Michael? Heck, no Walt? What’s he done to deserve such a diss?
The Associated Press (AP) has issued a “correction” to its report about “The O.C.” finale that aired May 18. Because most news services (except Brilliant But Cancelled) don’t read AP stories before republishing them, erroneous information about the hit show has been disseminating all around the world causing major misunderstandings.
The original report said that the same college accepted two characters. But — hold-your-sunscreen — it’s not true. Summer (played by Rachel Bilson, left) was accepted by Brown, and Seth will be attending the Rhode Island School of Design.
Both schools are located in Providence, Rhode Island, which is really—let’s face it—a very small state. So we forgive the reporter for thinking it might not have more than one university.
Producers of this year’s lowest-ratings-ever Grammy telecast are moving the show back to Sunday night. This year’s flop was broadcast on a Wednesday and annihilated by “American Idol.”
But wait — last year the awards show was destroyed (in the ratings, at least) by the dames on “Desperate Housewives.”
Who are we to offer an opinion…but: Wouldn’t it be smart to recognize the annual snoozefest needs a (total) redesign? Last year Burt Bacharach and Stevie Wonder (among many others) won awards. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but if you’re looking to draw a crowd, featuring artists under the age of 65 would be a good place to start.
May 24, 2006
Just as the quest for the next reality show hit continues — so does the search for a prize worth winning. (Remember when winning an Aztek on “Survivor” was cool?)
“Looking for Stars,” premiering on Starz premium June 19, is giving its winner a role in Next, a movie starring Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, and Jessica Biel to be released in 2007.
Thousands auditioned, but only eight will compete in the talent competition. Also breaking new ground is the show’s format. Execs are calling is a micro-series because it comprises 14 episodes — each only 10 minutes long.
Penn & Teller followed a family member into the “Family Room” located in an office building near ground zero. A sign on the door says “no press”—so being magicians, mimes, and all-purpose entertainers, P&T thought all was well. Nope. Shots from inside the hallowed room aired on May 1 and the families are pissed off.
“That’s a very sacred place to the families…especially the families who lost loved ones who were never identified,” said Jack Lynch, whose son was killed.
Glenn Alai, spokesmen for the comics expressed sympathy and dismay. The footage in question, he explained, amounted to only a few seconds of a 30-minute piece that was entirely sympathetic to the families.
First up, “Coraline”, starring the voice of desperado esposa Teri Hatcher as — surprise! — a psycho mom. Not that we can blame her. Coraline’s daughter is played by creepy-fab “tween” Dakota Fanning.
May 23, 2006
MI:3 director and “Lost” creator J.J. Abrams killed her. Then she chose to spend five days in jail (instead of weeks of community service). And now Michelle Rodriguez is going back to the slammer for 60 days.
Two months under lock and key is the price “Ana Lucia” will now pay for violating parole back in December when she and “Libby” both got busted for drunk driving. Her three-year parole was started back in 2004 when she pleaded no contest to charges of hit-and-run, driving on a suspended license, and driving under the influence of alcohol. (Whew!)
So, Rodriguez, before her 30th birthday, has now had two run-ins with the law that have resulted in three sentences. Lady needs an intervention! Jack, where are you? Hurley, can’t you sit on her until she stops drinking? And Locke, don’t you have superpowers to cure folks of their addictions?
Come on “Lost” teammates: get your girlfriend some help!
We like Charles Gibson. He’s a pro — and he knows how not to look like a dork doing cheesy morning TV segments about fondue. But the announcement that he’s being named anchor of "ABC World News Tonight" leaves us a feeling rather melancholy.
If we’re reading correctly between the lines — “Elizabeth Vargas is going on maternity leave and returning to co-anchor ‘20/20,’ and Bob Woodruff “looks forward to contributing to (Gibson’s) broadcast as soon as I am able” — this confirms that rising star Woodruff is not coming back to work anytime soon following his accident in Iraq.
Another question: What does Vargas’s transfer mean for women anchors? She couldn’t attract a crowd? They’re mad that she went on maternity leave? And, how does CBS expect to break the only-men-can-anchor stereotype with Katie Couric?
Judicial experts say you can’t read any guilt or innocence into a settlement. But, you can wonder (and discuss) all you want.
Word is that Mark Burnett, Donald Trump, and NBC have paid Mark Bethea and Velocity Entertainment Group an “undisclosed sum” to end a lawsuit over who invented “The Apprentice.”
Bethea claims he pitched the idea to Burnett (“Apprentice,” “Survivor,” etc.) and his partner, Conrad Riggs, back in 2001 and they later lifted “substantial and integral material” from the proposal. Their pitch was for a show called “C.E.O.” that would have been hosted by Trump and set in a corporate office environment. Hmm.
More shocking. Who’d-a-thunk that that anyone — anywhere, ever! — would fight over a TV show in a “corporate office environment.”
May 22, 2006
“24” will become a “limited-run” series next year, which means the entire season will unfold from start to finish with no breaks or repeats. “ER” is getting the non-repeat treatment, too -- a different show will run in its timeslot between months of all original episodes.
And -- thank the Dharma Initiative! -- “Lost” is also on the anti-repeat path. After a season filled with aggravating repeats, plus a crappy “new” recap show, the producers are promising to run only original episodes next season.
“We really listened to the fans,” explains Steve McPherson, ABC entertainment president. It’s about time!
Or, a memorial service with a bride and groom. A pall hung over Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman’s marriage to longtime partner Beth Smith on Saturday.
What was supposed to be a ceremony heralding the end of Dog and Beth’s 16 years of unwedded-ness became a “celebration of his daughter’s life.” Barbara Katy Chapman, 23, was killed in a car accident near her home of Fairbanks, Alaska on Friday, May 19.
The wedding in Hawaii is scheduled to be part of an August 8 episode, but we’re going to give the Dog and his mate the benefit of the doubt about the show airing. A&E, the network that airs his show, said: ''They all decided unanimously that they should celebrate the wedding and her life.”
The honeymoon in Fiji is postponed so they can mourn their daughter’s passing.
The late-night redhead will be hosting this year’s Emmy Awards show, set for August 27. It won’t be O’Brien’s first trip to podium; he hosted the award-giving-gig in 2002.
Emmy co-producer Ken Ehrlich called O’Brien “a student of television. He’s funny and he really likes television. That bodes well for what we can do this year.”
Funny is good. And we can’t say we disagree that “liking television” is very important when choosing an Emmy host. Congratulations to Conan — and the geniuses who picked him.
May 19, 2006
Duane “Dog” Chapman, star of A&E’s reality hit “Dog the Bounty Hunter,” will marry longtime sidekick Beth Smith—his partner and mother of his two kids—after 16 years together.
“She’s Italian and tough,” Chapman barked, trying to explain the lag-time. “I’ve already been cuffed and shackled by Beth anyway.”
The mullet-headed “canine” hasn’t been tamed, he says. Chapman is wearing white jeans and white leather vest, boots, and American Indian jewelry representing his heritage. Beth is wearing lace.
True love or a ratings ploy? Excerpts will air on A&E, August 14.
No, she did not starve herself. And no, paparazzi did not run her off the road. It was only her character, Marissa, who was run down by an SUV and left to die in the season finale of "The O.C."
Barton, age 20, is happy about dying because it will give her time to promote an upcoming film. Guilty Pleasures—no, we did not make up that name—opens in 2007. The flick is about a bunch of Italians living through the plague. Yes, it’s a period piece. And the plague isn’t an attack of Hollywood nymphs, but bubonic plague.
Just in time for the release of his tell-all tome, ex-Governor of New Jersey, James E. McGreevey will appear on Oprah’s chatfest this fall.
He’ll talk about his double life as a straight-husband and gay-philanderer—with a sexy Israeli, no less, and a charming smile. Expect tears and apologies for hurting his family. Do not wait for comment on the patronage scandal that actually forced his resignation.
But that’s cool, because before McGreevey high-tailed it out of the governor’s mansion he called himself—and coined the term—“gay American.” Suddenly he was not a liar, but a homo-hero. Luckily, he’s a handsome guy, so we’ll wait until we see him on TV before making a final decision.
May 18, 2006
Until we totally screw the Nielsen folks with our Tivo-ing and downloading and Utube-viewing: old-fashioned ratings are still reported. The good news is that they are--in their own boring way--rather fascinating.
Last week SpongeBob continued to hold his square-ish pants up against the powerhouse "Sopranos" and "World Wresting Raw"(!). Really. The queer yellow thing and his starfish “best friend” came in 3rd, 9th, and 10th place with an average of 4 million viewers each time.
Four million people is equal to the population of Alaska, Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming combined.
Another Wednesday night on Fox and another singer-with-a-heart-of-gold gets a proverbial boot in the behind. Last night, it was Elliot Yamin’s turn. The funky white-boy with the Ben Affleck-goatee was voted off.
The announcement brought out the best in Paula. She wept considerably.
So we’re starting to wonder if crying is in her contract. After all, whether genuine or not, her weekly emotional exhibitionism does balance out the I’m-so-bored-of-this-crap scowl on Simon Cowell.
Weighing in at approximately 12 pounds—three of which are in her beautiful lips—the 5 foot, 10 inch beauty is turning 50 today. Not that fans flocking to her latest theatrical endeavor would ever guess it. The dame changes costumes on stage… strips down to a little bra and even smaller panties to reveal a svelte figure that could rival any bulimic Hollywood starlet.
Fans of Madonna’s ex-pal and one of the first celebs to embrace Kabbalah (Bless her!), Ms. Bernhard is returning to the small screen very soon.
Sandra is trading in her status as everyone’s favorite guest star—she’s been on "Roseanne," "Will & Grace," "The L Word," "Ally McBeal," and "Crossing Jordan," to name just a few—to become host of her own variety show. Think Carol Burnett on wheat grass. The show is slated for Lego, we mean Logo, the gay cable network, which means it only has sex with other gay cable networks.
May 17, 2006
Say it ain’t so, Les Moonves. Sunday night at grandma’s house just won’t be the same since the CBS biggie announced he’s axing the Sunday Night Movie.
After 20 consecutive years of movies about sick women, dying children--or dying women with sick children -- the institution is being replaced by “The Amazing Race,” a show we like, but….
More importantly: What will Victoria Principal do? Or Meredith Baxter Birney? And what about our favorite -- the Hallmark Hall of Fame? Oh, the tragedy.
What’s a little natural wonder if it comes between a tycoon and his $250 million golf course? Master of “The Apprentice” is upset because the So. Cal. town of Rancho Palos Verdes won’t let him change the name of the street leading to his newest park. The street is named “Ocean Trails Drive.” He wants: “Trump National Drive.”
Locals are not happy with His Highness’s blond bluster. “Ocean Trails is an actual spot,” says Rancho resident Marcos Dela Cruz. “We were hiking there the other day. The name Ocean Trails says it all.”
Ever on guard, Trump is dubious of crunchy California tree huggers. “I’m very hard to extort,” says Trump, “…if that’s what they’re trying to do.”
Two fans of “The Andy Griffith Show” have convinced the powers-that-be to allow them to erect a larger-than-life bronze of Barney Fife. The location of the tribute is Mount Airy, North Carolina-the town that “inspired” Mayberry.
After Knotts passed in February, “we felt something needed to be done about honoring him,” says Superfan #1 Neal Shelton. Superfan #2 Tom Hellebrand, his partner-in-bronzing, agrees: “Mayberry without Barney Fife just wouldn’t be the same. So I’m very excited.”
They need $35,000 and so to raise cash, they’re raffling off a restored car along with a golf cart built to look like a squad car. Any money raised beyond what’s needed will go to charity. www.donknottsstatue.com
May 16, 2006
Hidden deep in the news about ABC’s fall line-up—more “Grey’s Anatomy,” less “Primetime Live”—is a humdinger of a sentence.
“‘Lost’ will return next winter and run all original episodes.”
Holy Island Adventures, Batman! For a show that has teased us for two years by running a repeat almost every other week episode, this is hatch-blasting news.
But why not ‘til winter? After next week’s season finale, we’ll have to wait for... eight months!
Poor Richard Hatch. The man single-handedly created reality show villains. Omarosa on "The Apprentice" was nothing compared to Ol’ Rich. He is the one man—after producer Mark Burnett—responsible for "Survivor" surviving so long.
And what does he get for being a conniving genius? Prison. The judge in his tax-evasion case could have sentenced him to 33 months, but says he didn’t believe Mr. Hatch on the witness stand. (Who does!? But that’s why he’s so awesome.)
Bottom line: the gay, fat, nudist conniver is heading to the big house for 51 months! That’s more than 4 years. We’ll have a new president before we see Mr. Hatch nekkid again. Damn.
No s&#*! "The Sopranos," "Sex and The City," Larry David… hell, even "Arli$$" snookered us into spending hours in front of the television. Now the United States Army thinks one little stand-alone documentary can hurt us?
The guys in green issued a “warning” that watching the movie “Baghdad ER” may trigger mental health problems because it’s so violent… so real.
Come on, Rummy old buddy old pal. We know how Japanese cartoons can turn kids epileptic, but these are real life soldiers we’re talking about. They’ve already fought in a real war, blown stuff up, seen dead people. Do you really think they can’t handle a film about a military hospital?
If you’re so concerned, we suggest you send a few old episodes of "M.A.S.H." over to the front lines and get our valiant men and women in uniform prepared for the bloody mess.
May 15, 2006
Eva Longoria is shocked, “Shocked!” to be voted #1 most beautiful woman in the universe by Maxim magazine — and for the second year in a row. “I just can’t believe it,'' she exclaimed. ''Surely there are more beautiful women in the world. I can name 10.'' The lad mag said all 100 gals on the list have several things in common including “a tremendous amount of buzz surrounding them, undeniable beauty and a promise of greater things to come.''
The other desperate homegirls shouldn’t be too upset. Two others made the “Hot List” — Nicollette Sheridan is 48 and Teri Hatcher ranks 73.
Yoga instructor Aras Baskauskas is the latest "Survivor" winner. Last night’s live finale for "Panama: Exile Island" on CBS saw him beat Danielle DiLorenzo from the top two vote. The question of the day: How did Danielle get that far? Host Jeff Probst has gone on record calling her, “One of the weakest people who have ever played the game.” And what does the million bucks mean for Aras? That he can now move out of his Dad’s house. We hope.
