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Accidental Potty-Mouths vs. the FCC

August 31, 2006

Fox, CBS, ABC, and NBC have taken on the FCC.

It's complicated, but we'll break It down for you. The FCC wants to fine Fox for profanity used by Cher and Nicole Richie during the 2002 ''Billboard Music Awards.'' It wants to fine CBS for inadvertant profanity on an episode of "The Early Show." It also wants to fine ABC for some bad words on "NYPD Blue." As for NBC, (or as we call them, "Dad') -- they weren't fined. They just stand with their broadcasting brethren.

Here's the problem with these fines: The FCC already cleared these instances earlier in the year.

So, why now? The FCC says it's because they rushed to judgment and skipped the step where they ask the broadcasters for a response. So they've asked an appeals court to re-open these cases.

Come on, FCC! It was 2002! It was a simpler, happier time! Before Janet Jackson showed her boob! Can't we just move on? The major networks seem to think so, and charge that the new decency rulings handed down by the FCC violate the constitution and prevent them from showing any live programming at all.

A lawyer from Fox put It this way: ''The prospect of such massive fines obviously forces Fox to steer far clear of even constitutionally protected speech,'' he wrote, citing the possibility of a sports manager or coach swearing during a live game.

Sure. Coaches swear all the time! It happens. Even to ... dare we say, Presidents sometimes. Remember that?

The Federal Communications Commission: Washing everybody's mouths out with soap for a cleaner America.

Football is Pink!

Remember when that guy would sing, "Are you ready for some football?!" before the big game? And then the trumpets and guitars and things would rock your socks off before the teams took to the field. Yeah, well that was Monday Night Football. This Is Sunday night. Things have gotten, well … pink.

Grammy Award winner Pink has recorded the theme to NBC's "Sunday Night Football."

Said a spokesman: ''We chose Pink as the signature voice because she is a tremendous talent with a crossover appeal that makes her relevant to all segments of our audience.''

Pink has created ''Waiting All Day for Sunday Night" -- set to Joan Jett's ''I Hate Myself for Loving You,'' with new lyrics, NBC said Wednesday.

''A football fan knows the anticipation of waiting all day for the big game. When you hear this song on Sunday nights, you'll know the big game is about to kick off.''

Yeah. Actually, just writing about It made us want some Cheez-It’s and Pepsi. Rock on, Pink!

Wedding Crasher

August 30, 2006

So, you’ve got a lot of money, a production company that loves it when you televise obnoxious frat-boy behavior, and you’re married to Demi Moore? What next?

Crash weddings for fun and profit.

Ashton Kutcher along with NBC and New Line TV have put together a candid-camera knock-off called "The Real Wedding Crashers." The show will send a group of actors to disrupt weddings with irritating and uncouth behavior.

Good. Because everyone wedding needs more of that.

A spokesman at NBC (yes, they’re our parent company) had this to say -- "Working with Ashton and knowing his memorable experiences with the jokes he pulled off on 'Punk'd' made it that much more enticing. This series has a big upside potential for hidden-camera humor."

While the focus of "The Real Wedding Crashers" will be on good-natured pranks, the show will also take a yank on the heartstrings by, in NBC's words, "occasionally bring[ing] families together in emotional moments."

Although the network hasn't said when the show might make it onto the air, we’ll be sure to keep an eye on this one. And … elope.

Allison Janney's Hairspray

She's the Queen of the Emmys (she's won four), she's gorgeous as all sin, and she's pretty much our favorite actress. And now, she's making the jump to a movie we're pretty darn excited about.

Janney will be joining the film version of “Hairspray,” where she will be playing the role of Prudy Pingleton, the uptight, alliterative mother who makes her daughter Penny wear a P on her sweater, so that everyone will know that she’s “permanently punished.”

The film is not due out until Christmas of 2007, and until then, we're just going to have to settle for re-watching her brilliant performances in "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and all those seasons of "The West Wing."

Robin Hood Kidnapped

Thieves in Hungary have stolen tapes of the BBC's (not BBCancelled) new prime-time series ''Robin Hood,'' stalling completion of some of the 13 episodes.

A report in The Daily Mirror on Monday that the tapes were the only copies and that thieves were demanding payment of $1.9 million for their return.

$1.9 million? Why not an even 2 million? There is bargaining pricing for ransoming a TV show?

'''Tiger Aspect (the production company) has been the victim of a break-in where 'Robin Hood' is currently being filmed and some high-definition tapes and other equipment have been stolen,'' the BBC said Monday in a statement. ''The thefts are causing inconvenience and have resulted in a delay in finalizing some of the episodes. Tiger Aspect is taking all reasonable steps to recover the tapes.''

It’s almost too obvious a joke to make: Did they give the tapes to the poor?

Fingers Crossed for Nielsen

August 29, 2006

In 1982, Leslie Nielsen had his own show. It was "Police Squad!" and it was hilarious in the very lowest kind of way. It spawned the Naked Gun movies, all thanks to Nielsen’s own particular brand of earnest “speaking-with-authority-on-any-topic” deadpan -- made famous by his role in Airplane!

We are desperately hoping that his role on an upcoming NBC comedy pilot, called "Lipshitz Saves the World," puts him squarely back on network television where he belongs.

We’re huge fans. And apparantly, so are the folks over at "Lipshitz."

In a recent Hollywood Reporter article, Dan Fogelman, the show’s creator, said: "I'm a lifelong fan and wrote the part specifically for him, never having met him, and with no knowledge of whether or not he'd take to it .… He could not have been more gracious and responsive once he read the script."

Nielsen is scripted to play an older screw-up who helps mentor “Lipshitz,” a teenager who discovers he must save the earth from certain destruction.

There’s nothing better than the smell of the Fall TV season. We can't wait!

K. Fed to Act

Boy, what can’t that Kevin Federline do?

Nevermind.

CBS says that K-Fed will play a menacing, arrogant teenager who either helps or hinders the case of a Las Vegas tourist beating death on a fall episode of “CSI.” He began filming this week in Los Angeles.

In an interview with People magazine, the esteemed Mr. Spears said that he was excited for the role because "It's the first time I've actually had a speaking role."

We’re going to go ahead and guess that this includes the short-lived “Chaotic” -- a reality program he and his wife, Britney Spears, produced about their wild and crazy love life.

Barry Manilow: Still Hip!

Just hours after winning an Emmy award for his musical special, "Music and Passion" (we find that it’s funnier if you whisper the word “passion” -- try it!), Barry Manilow checked into a Palm Springs hospital for hip surgery.

According to Manilow’s publicist, he came through the operation ''swimmingly'' and then headed back to his Palm Springs home.

In his Emmy acceptance speech, Manilow excitedly told TV viewers that he was going to bring his statuette into the operating room. And he made good on that promise.

Can you imagine being the surgeon? “Sir, could you put your Emmy down? We’re going to repair your hips now.”

Manilow's recovery and rehabilitation is expected to take six to eight weeks. Then the celebrated showman plans to jump back into his performance routine. He will travel the East and the Midwest this fall, leading up to the early November release of his new album, ''The Greatest Songs of the Sixties.''

We wish him a nice long recovery.

The Emmys: Bring a Book

August 28, 2006

They all know they have no time for speeches, every other joke is about how long the show is going to take, and it seems as though everybody just wants to start drinking. Nevertheless, the Emmys happen every year. It’s not the most exciting show in the world -- but for those of us who love cancelled TV and redemption stories, it was a pretty good night.

First, a quick shout out to Blythe Danner, who won a Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Emmy for her role on the now cancelled “Huff.” We are desperately sorry to see the end of her work as a boozy and coarse, though delicate and soft, grandmother. Blythe Danner is one of the few actresses working today that is so good, you can smell her perfume when she comes on screen. (And why cut off this elegant woman's speech, Mr. Show Producer? In order to fit in that lame Telemundo joke later?)

We first reported Huff’s cancellation one month ago, but many didn’t know of the show’s cancellation until Danner’s Emmy speech last night: “I guess I'm supposed to thank Showtime even though they've canceled us,'' she said, "They're nice guys. They couldn't help it, I guess.''

The news seems to have driven a lot of people to leave some pretty voracious comments at the site of the original story. You can check it out here.

In other cancelled TVnews, shows like “Arrested Development,” and “The Comeback” were nominated for awards including Best Actress in a Comedy and Best Writing for Comedy.

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss won for her role on “The New Adventures of Old Christine.” Her acceptance? ''Well, I'm not somebody who really believes in curses -- but curse this, baby,'' Louis-Dreyfuss said, hoisting her trophy and making a veiled reference to the so-called ''Seinfeld curse'' that kept its stars from launching successful new series post-Seinfeld.

Our very favorite part came in the acceptance speech by "My Name is Earl" creator Greg Garcia, who won the Emmy for Best Writing for a Comedy Series. He decided to not thank his junior high social studies teacher for making him sit down, a former boss who made him scrape gum from the shoes of an execuitve, and God, who made him lose his hair.

Awe. Some.

The Daily Show-hio

On the heels of their wild Emmy victory, Comedy Central's ''The DailyShow With Jon Stewart'' will travel to Ohio this fall on a pre-election road trip. They will be doing so in order to find out just what is up with all the open hostility towards the liberals? And the flat vowels- what’s with that?

''Battlefield Ohio: The DailyShow's Midwest Midterm Midtacular'' will air nightly from Oct. 30 through Nov. 2, a week before the Nov. 7 national election.

Here’s the part we’re excited about: ''DailyShow'' correspondents Dan Bakkedahl, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones and John Oliver will be reporting from various locations in and around Ohio. Comedy Central said in a statement that the commentary in Ohio will ''give viewers a unique perspective that only a true outsider can provide.''

From those of us at BBCancelled who have left our home Buckeye state, we wish you luck.

Oprah in South Africa

Okay. She’s easy to make fun of, and she’s sometimes easy to watch. She’s also, apparently, pretty easy to use as a scam.

So here’s what happened: A few years back, Oprah made a promise to Nelson Mandela – she would build a school for the next generation of African leaders – African girls. So she was in South Africa this week, where she surprised all of the 73 applicants with free admission to the school. More will be admitted in the coming year. We actually caught this on CNN over the weekend, and we were surprisingly moved by it.

Then this story: some 500 people crowded into a community center in the eastern city of Grahamstown after being told that they had to make a simple payment of $1.40 with the promise of then receiving $168 per month for 10 years.

Which totally sounds like something Oprah would do. But sadly, she hadn’t heard anything about it. Police confiscated 160 applications and returned nearly $280, he said.

Oprah has yet to comment on the whole affair, but even though our little jaded hearts sometimes have a problem with the way seemingly everyone seems to be encouraging the Oprah-fication of American values: we will totally give her props for donating over $40 million dollars to educate African children.

The Week in "Idol" News

August 25, 2006

A federal judge has temporarily barred William Smith (no, not the jiggy one) from selling songs recorded by Taylor Hicks when he was just a gray haired guy hanging around Alabama.

Two songs written and sung by Hicks showed up for sale on the iTunes recently, and Hicks is claiming that Smith doesn't have the rights to them.

''It aggravated me because I knew what a gifted performer and writer he is,'' Smith said in an AP interview. ''I love Taylor Hicks, and for three months I was refuting the bad press he was getting.''

A sworn statement by Hicks' attorney states the recordings were poor-quality demos that could cause ''immense irreparable financial harm.” (More than those tacky car ads?)

Meanwhile, former finalist Mikalah Gordon was ''in a panic'' but unharmed after being robbed at gunpoint in Las Vegas. Las Vegas police confirmed the robberyand said they are investigating.

And, finally, Katharine McPhee was back in the news this week saying she no longer has any “weird eating things” going on.

Gosh, being an Idol sounds like fun, doesn’t it? By the way, 10,000 hopefuls showed up in Birmingham, Alabama this weekend to audition for the next round.

Survivor: Media Circus Island

When we repoted on this yesterday, we secretly hoped it would go away quietly. Turns out that we’re just another dancing bear in this media circus, so we have to report further.

New York City Councilman, John Liu, is asking that CBS pull "Survivor"’s new season -- which pits European American, African American, Asian American and Latino American teams against each other.

"The idea of having a battle of the races is preposterous," City Councilman John Liu said Thursday. "How could anybody be so desperate for ratings?"

Wait. What? Have you not been watching television for the last 10 years? “The Swan” had it’s major plastic surgery and freaked out beauty ideals. “The Bachelor” -- where women compete to get married.

"CBS fully recognizes the controversial nature of this format but has full confidence in the producers and their ability to produce the program in a responsible manner," CBS said in a statement to the press.

Liu, who is Asian American, is not so confident, and feels the show will encourage a racial divide and promote negative stereotypes. He, along with a coalition of officials of all races, are planning a rally at City Hall.

A rally at City Hall? More press conferences? Did "Survivor" pay him, or something? If not, we can only imagine the reaction from the show’s producers. In fact, CBS is a few blocks from here, and with our binoculars, we’re pretty sure we can see them jumping up and down with joy.

Survivor: Stereotype Island

August 24, 2006

Asians, African Americans, Latinos and Caucasions pitted against each other; all trying to survive in seperate enclaves, secretly battling each other to survive. No it's not just another day in Los Angeles, it's a new season of "Survivor."

After 13 seasons on the air, “Survivor” has tried everything to bring themselves back to their ratings highs of season one. New wacky challenges, more attractive contestants, new and exciting ways of confusing the audience. But here’s a new low. Four teams: Black, White, Asian, Hispanic. For real.

To quote the host, Jeff Probst: ”It's very risky because you're bringing up a topic that is a hot button.'' You think, Jeff?

Probst spilled the new style in an interview with ASAP. (That's the AP, for kids!) The interview is full of all sorts of nuggets of racial wisdom. ''There's a history of segregation you can't ignore. It is part of our history. For that, it's much safer to say, 'No, let's just stick with things the way they are. Let's don't be the network to rock the boat. Let's not have ''Survivor'' try something new,''' he said. ''But the biases from home can't affect you. This is an equal opportunity game.''

Yes. Let us all share in the equality of reality television, through the lens of various races competing in a mock primitive war for island domination. Forward thinking.

If this season handles "race" maybe next season will be "religions" pitting "Muslims" "Jews" "Christians" and
"Buddhists" up against each other. That would be pretty cool, and topical. And what about sexual orientation for the season after that? "Lesbians" "Gay Men" "Straights" and "Transgenders" against each other. Call it Survior: The Castro. It's fun to think of all the possibilities. Limitless.

We just wonder if during this "race" season they'll get to perform the opening number from West Side Story. Or is all that beach sand too tough on the Capezios?

Saturday Night Live Rumors

We work down the hall from "Saturday Night Live." And so we’re privy to all sorts of … internet rumors.

We’ve been waiting to say anything about the rumor mill surrounding SNL this week, because there seem to be new and conflicting reports every ten minutes.

This morning, there were rumors that Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, and Kenan Thompson were all being given the boot. But another source has Maya Rudolph and Will Forte leaving because they're sick of the show.

And then this afternoon, we find an interview with Horatio Sanz in today's Chicago Sun Times: "I haven't been approached with anything that's led me to believe I won't be back … I think some executives leaked a bunch of bulls#!^."

So, here’s what we know for sure. Tina Fey is definitely leaving because she’s working on NBC’s “30 Rock.” So is Rachel Dratch, who is now going play several different parts on "30 Rock." (Her original character will now be played by Jane Krakowski. Why?)

So, basically, we're still wondering who the four off of SNL will be. If we hear anything around the elevator bank, we’ll let you know.

Patty Hearst on Mars

We’re huge “Veronica Mars” fans around here, and we’re proud of our girl going off to college this year. We’re also very pleased to hear that she’ll be staying local, enabling the show to keep most of it’s core cast.

The character will be attending Hearst College -- named for a fictionalized lumber magnate based on newspaper baron William Randolph Hearst.

Here’s the awesome part: In a November episode of the show, Veronica will have to find an abducted board of trustees member of the college. And that part will be played by ... Patty Hearst!

For those that don’t know, a quick run down on Patty. She’s the granddaugther of William Randolph Hearst (the guy Citizen Kane is based on) and in 1974, she was abducted by the the Symbionese Liberation Army, who she then joined and robbed a bank with. She served a little bit of jail time, but her sentence was suspended by Jimmy Carter, and she was granted a full pardon by Bill Clinton in 2001.

Patty Hearst is no stranger to acting. She’s appeared in a few John Waters movies, and has made various television appearances. But this may be the first time she's acted as an abductee. Fascinating.

Now, why didn't they cast her in "Deadwood" this season?

Bring Your Daughter to Work Day

August 23, 2006

Every year during awards season, we see these women and think to ourselves: how is this still happening? And then we watch and remember -- Joan and Melissa Rivers were born to host red-carpet events.

This Sunday, at the 58th Annual Primetime Emmys, the ladies will host their 1,000th red-carpet interview. Which is great, because it seems that Joan’s been doing this for more than 30 years. (Maybe she has!)

With that in mind, Joan and Melissa are sharing their old-pro tips for red-carpet arrivals. We won’t go into all of them, but here are a few to keep in mind.

According to Joan, it’s important that you at least look like you’re enjoying yourself, even if you’re not really all that big of a star: “You're not in Kansas or Toledo or Boise anymore. Smile. Show everybody your new caps.”

The ladies also stress the importance of the choice in date. According to Joan: “Come alone or bring an escort who knows the industry.You don't want to babysit a starstruck cousin who is fresh off the farm. Or to worry about whether Paris Hilton has disappeared into the bathroom with your date.”

We think Joan Rivers is pure genius. Melissa’s sweet, kinda, and wears nice clothes and all. But we’re in it for Joan. She sat in for Johnny Carson, come on! She’s a legend who never ceases to make us laugh.

Stargate Closing

Zap2it.com is reporting a sad little story about America’s longest running science fiction television show. In what is sure to cause a collective “No!” across the country, the Sci Fi Channel has decided to end production on “Stargate SG-1.”

The show has been running for 10 seasons, and just over 200 episodes (four years on Showtime, six on Sci Fi). It spawned the spin-off “Stargate: Atlantis” as well as an enormous fan base that still draws roughly two million viewers per week.

“Stargate: SG1” is just the kind of science fiction TV we all love. A vivid world, with other cultures that teach us about ourselves on some primal level. How do the Goa’uld get along with the Ori? And what does that say about the Middle East? And these are people who don’t mess around with Homeland Security. No sir. Home WORLD security -- how’s that for a utopian future?

The official word from the network: "Having achieved so much over the course of the past 10 years, Sci Fi believes that the time is right to make this season ['SG-1's'] last on the channel. Sci Fi is honored to have been part of the 'Stargate' legacy for five years, and we look forward to continuing to explore the 'Stargate' universe" through more episodes of "Atlantis."

So, like Star Trek and others who have come before it, Stargate’s original series is through, but it will most certainly live on. And that’s the best kind of cancelled TV. The kind that people want more of.

4400 More

In keeping with our “fate-of-science-fiction-television-shows” theme today, we’ re happy to report that USA Network has picked up “The 4400” for another season.

Are you watching this show? 4400 people dissappear over several years and then are returned to earth with super powers? Who abducted them? Aliens seem the obvious answer, right? Oh no, friends … it’s humans from the future.

When it debuted in 2003, we were sure it would falter based on the premise alone. But the show has now gained enough of an audience for USA to call the show a “ratings blockbuster.” The show has even survived the soap-opera convention of bringing back a long-dead character, played by Billy Campbell. We’ll give props where they are due.

USA’s statement is that "this show continues to thrive creatively from year to year … and we're looking forward to another season filled with intriguing characters, unique twists and incredibly suspenseful storylines."

It’s third season premires this Sunday night, and the next season will start in summer '07.

Smoking Cartoons

August 22, 2006

We've had our Janet Jacksons and our Howard Sterns, but it seems America is not the only "Western Democracy" with censor problems. Here is a run down on current censorship news from Europe.

BBC News (not to be confused with BBCancelled News) reports that the UK will be censoring "Tom and Jerry" cartoons. No, Jerry hasn't been wearing the thong, and Tom’s drinking troubles seem to be behind him. It just seems that children's advocates are disturbed by scenes glamorizing the cat and mouse smoking.

So clip, clip ... no more sexy smoking mammals on kids TV. And Turner Broadcasting, which owns the Boomerang Channel in Europe where the complainants first saw the offending cartoons, will be scouring all archival cartoons and cutting smoking scenes from other classics as well, like "The Flintstones" and "The Jetsons."

Who smoked on "The Jetsons?"

Censorship is stupid, but promoting smoking to kids is an old and deadly corporate strategy. We would just like to point out that there’s a time and a place for history. Remember, "Tom and Jerry" also included, for many years, the overtly racist character of “Mammy.” Inappropriate to show to children, but important to remember.

In other news, the BBC is also reporting reports that a Swedish News program accidentally let one of the background monitors in the newsroom show hardcore porn during a weekend news program.

That's right, right behind the anchor was a monitor showing some nasty down and dirty naked AC-TION. Get down! It was a complete accident by a staffer who was watching sports on Canal Plus earlier in the evening, and left the monitor tuned to the station -- which shows porn after midnight.

Suffice it to say the SVT, the Swedish State Broadcaster, was very red-faced at the blunder. If it happened here in America, oh my, everyone would be fired, there would be serious fines, and even legislation passed to protect the children from the news.

Sweden, huh?

Gandolfini Sticks With HBO

He’s won HBO a few Emmys and he’s helped launched one of the largest cult-following programs in recent history, so he should probably be given his due. We love a guy with staying power, and James Gandolfini is one of them.

This past week, the "Sopranos" star signed a deal with HBO that ensures he will be sticking around long after the “Sopranos” closes up shop.

According to an article on Zap2it.com, Gandolfini signed a three-year production deal that allows him to develop and produce projects for HBO’s film division, “Picturehouse.”

Does that mean he’ll get to smoke cigars and have people killed?

Already in the works is a pet project of Gandolfini’s: a biopic called “Hemingway.” The script is being written by Pollock author Barbara Turner, and will star Gandolfini as the bearded old man. Also in development is a documentary about soldiers in Iraq.

East Coast "O.C."

It’s like “The Facts of Life” only everyone is Blair.

Josh Schwartz, the creator of “The O.C.” is talking with The CW about executive producing the television version of the popular “Gossip Girls” young adult book series.

The books follow a group of ultra-privileged girls through their adventures at a very high priced and upscale private school in Manhattan. It was nearly made into a movie, to be written by “Gilmore Girls” creator Amy Sherman-Palladnio, and to star Lindsay Lohan, but the whole thing fell through.

I suppose we could stand more shows about affluent teenagers. It’s a perfect demographic to sell things to. And some people are seriously crazy about watching “The O.C.” – so we’ll reserve our judgement on this one.

It sounds a little “destined for cancelled,” though, doesn’t it?

Emmys for TV Geeks

August 21, 2006

This being BrilliantButCancelled.com, we thought you’d be interested in who won the Emmy for “Cinematography for Nonfiction Programming -- Multi-Camera Production.” To those who follow this sort of thing (all of us TV geeks), the winner was clear:“The Amazing Race: Here Comes the Bedouin!”

And what about the Emmy for “Technical Direction and Camerawork, Video, for a Series”? That honor went to “Dancing with the Stars, Episode 204.”

And in a stiffer competition than usual, this year's Emmy for choreography went to “High School Musical.”

The Creative Emmys are a dry affair, the kind that don’t spend a lot of time on a fussy red carpet. There were, of course, some star-studded moments, brought on mostly by presenters like Allison Janney, Christina Ricci, and Mark Harmon. The show’s hosts Penn and Teller, whose own show “Penn and Teller: Bullshit” was nominated for three technical Emmys, went home empty-handed.

The bulk of the awards went to HBO, for miniseries such as “Elizabeth I” and “Rome.”

There are some acting awards given at this ceremony, notably the awards for guest-starring in a series, comedy or drama. The unbelievably funny Cloris Leachman (top left) won for her role as the grandmother on “Malcom In the Middle” while the amazing Patricia Clarkson (right) took home an Emmy for her role as Ruth’s hippie sister on “Six Feet Under.”

You can find the entire list of winners here.

"Patchwork" Family

No kidding, that’s what the Germans are calling the family of Project Runway’s Heidi Klum and her husband, pop-star Seal.

Patchwork. Yikes.

But Heidi and Seal are currently expecting their third child (the second that's biologically both of theirs). And they plan on having a lot more. Why? It makes Heidi even prettier. ''We want to have a lot of children,'' the supermodel tells Life magazine in its latest issue. ''(Seal) always says that he finds me the most beautiful when I'm pregnant.''

Klum and Seal were married last year and already have a 10-month-old son, named Henry Guenther Ademola Dashtu Samuel.

Klum, 33, also has a two-year-old daughter, Leni, from a previous relationship with Formula One manager Flavio Briatore.

So back to that patchwork thing. Charmingly harmless, or racist and inappropriate?

''I was like, 'Hmm, is this an insult or is this positive?'” says Klum, “I talked to Seal about it, and we're, like, it's actually kind of great -- we're all different shades and we came together and we all love each other.''

Alles klar. Zupa.

Ebert Recovering

August 18, 2006

He’s been a staple on TV for years. He won the Pulitzer Prize for criticism in 1975. And we’re all pulling for the guy.

Film critic Roger Ebert, who is battling cancer in a Chicago hospital, says he looks forward to coming back to work, but he’s not sure when it will be.

''I don't have a crystal ball, so I can't tell you when, but I sure look forward to being back on the movie beat,'' he said in a statement Thursday.

Apparently, the problem is that he can’t talk. Since the cancer was on his salivary gland, the ensuing surgeries have disrupted his vocal cords, and that’s going to take some time to heal. He added to his statement that ''doctors are moving cautiously, but they are enthusiastically optimistic about my recovery.''

Ebert is famous for his ''thumbs up'' or ''thumbs down'' critiques, and for his unique quirk of dealing with this stage fright before each broadcast of “Ebert and Roeper” -- he has always played a quick, off-camera round of “paddycake” before the show begins. This was a tradition started with his former co-host Gene Siskel, who died of cancer in 1999, and has continued with his new partner, Richard Reoper.

We at BBCancelled patiently await his return and wish him a speedy recovery -- we’re simply not sure whether or not we want to see “Snakes on a Plane” this weekend.

Since Ebert can’t yet speak, we hope he'll just use his thumbs to let us know.

Life Goes On and On…

We were just talking about “Life Goes On” the other day. One of our favorite television hits from the late 80s. This was a sweet American family with Patti Lupone as a matriarch, Corky, the sibling with Downs Syndrome, and the sweet but very real foibles of poor little Kellie Martin, who blossomed before our very eyes.

Kellie Martin, who also starred on “ER” (where her character was brutally murdered) -- is 30 now. And expecting.

We love watching kids from TV shows grow up and get lives. Especially when they say adorable things like how unprepared for motherhood they are.

'I never even baby-sat,'' she said. ''The only time I've changed a diaper is when my friend, who just had a baby, called and said, 'Come over, you need to practice.'''

Martin recently got some hands-on experience with her role in a Hallmark Channel television movie:''Mystery Woman.'' On many sets, twins are used to portray infants, but in this one, 6-month-old triplet boys were used.

''I looked at the mother, who was taking care of these three little babies, and I thought, 'I can't imagine how demanding that must be. I'm just going to get one. Yeah, I can do this!'''

Yea, Kellie. Go for it!

Bianca Rocks

Remember "Star Search"? Those adorable young moppets, all decked out in sequins? Ed McMahon and those blessedly silent judges?

Well, NBC has combined it with American Idol and called it “America’s Got Talent.” It’s just the kind of mindless summer TV that we love. The best that can be said for it was the Time Magazine Review which referred to the show as: “America Can Balance a Sword On It’s Face.”

Well, last night’s big sweeping finale crushed some dreams, notably the fiddling family band known as “Celtic Spring” and a yodeling little girl whose coach is straight out of Dollywood’s talent department. The big winner was Bianca Ryan, singing, of all things, Janis Joplin. Her rendition of ''Piece of My Heart'' earned her some serious cred, and she won a million dollars!

Bianca has that special something in a package that isn’t defined by current show biz norms. She’s not a Beyonce, or a Lee Ann Rimes or even a budding Lindsay Lohan. She’s awkward and more like the clumsy kid next door.

It’s gonna be tough. But we have faith in our Bianca and hope she doesn’t change too much. With a voice like that, they’ll be creating stuff uniquely fit just for her.

Congrats, kiddo!

Just "Friends"

August 17, 2006

Remember that blissful period, about three months after the “Friends” finale, when nobody really cared what any of those “friends” were up to? Well, it’s long over. And we’re following Jennifer Aniston.

''I'm not engaged, and I don't have a ring, and I haven't been proposed to,'' Aniston, 37, told People magazine.

Us Weekly reported in an Aug. 9 cover story citing anonymous sources that actor Vince Vaughn had proposed to Aniston on June 27 on a private jet after a trip to Mexico.

Really? On a plane? Albeit a private jet, but still.…

''The only reason I'm saying something is because if we're listening to the news we're supposed to be believing in the news,'' she said, responding to the fact that major media outlets picked up on the Us story about the possible engagement.

Aniston was vague about her relationship with Vaughn, 36, whom she met last year while filming ''The Break-Up.'' ''We're just being,'' she told People. ''We're having a good time.''

Rather Pushed to Friday

It was unfair. And there are plenty of conspiracy theorists who will tell you that Dan Rather was taken down by "the man."

So it seems only right that after his speedy exit from CBS News, they throw a tribute together for him. The network has scheduled a prime-time salute to Rather, with the newsman talking about what it was like to leave as ''CBS Evening News'' anchor after a quarter-century.

But they’re putting it on at 9pm the Friday night before Labor Day weekend, where nobody at all will ever watch it.

We should be clear about Dan Rather. Yes, he says some absolutely nutty things. He has a folksy colloquialism for everything. Some choice expressions from About.com include:

On the 2004 Election night: "This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex."

On Bill Clinton: “They may have turned this up, whether you had the Paula Jones case or not. But again, that's like if a frog had side pockets he'd probably wear a handgun."

We love this about Rather. It was like getting the news from your Grandpa, which we can certainly understand that some people don’t like. But history is being made with a tribute to a man who graciously saw us through every tragedy of the last 25 years.

CBS promised the special as a good faith gesture when Rather stepped down. The reason for the lame duck airing is that CBS wants to show the special before Katie Couric's debut as anchor on Sept. 5.

''The CBS News audience, they stuck by me through sunshine and storms, and through the good times and bad times,'' he says in the show.

Too bad CBS didn’t.

The YouTube Circus

August 16, 2006

The video-sharing site YouTube.com suffered an outage Tuesday, the same day a Web measurement company said the site had broken into its list of the Internet's top 50 for the first time.

Few details on the outage were available, but we stopped by there yesterday to watch this video we’re all obsessed with, and we got this almost amusing message about how they were “currently putting out some new features, sweeping out the cobwebs and zapping a few gremlins.”

An e-mail from YouTube blamed a temporary database problem, and everything was restored by 5 p.m. EDT.

YouTube is the hit-or-miss internet equivalent of a depression-era freakshow. It’s Jerry Springer’s show without the moderator, where you can always find videos of people belching, or horrible teenage boys lipsynching to, “Hit Me Baby One More Time.”

In July, YouTube debuted in the Top 50 at No. 40, up from 58th in June.

A spokesman for comScore Media Metrix, a company that monitors internet traffic and rates them by usage said: ''Consumers clearly view video as one of the most accessible, interesting and entertaining sources of content on the Web, the trends we're witnessing indicate that online video is emerging from its infancy and entering the mainstream.''

TV and the internet will be the same thing -- much sooner than you expect.

Singing Celebrities

Here we go again: Simon Cowell is producing “Celebrity Duets” set to air on (surprise!) Fox next month.

It seems like we keep reporting on things like this. Is anyone else as tired of these shows as we are? Next up must be “Bathroom Caulking with the Stars.”

The show will follow the same approach as “American Idol,” with viewers voting and the results revealed the next night. The winner will receive $100,000 for their favorite charity. There are two sets of celebrities at work here:

The Singers: Leeann Womack, Macy Gray, Richard Marx, Belinda Carlisle, Chaka Khan, and Patti LaBelle have all signed on to sing a duet with:

The Non-Singers (a partial list): Cheech Marin, Lucy Lawless, Lea Thompson, Hal Sparks, and Olympic gymnast Carly Patterson.

Seriously, we're not sure we want to hear from any of those people. Maybe Cheech Marin -- but even then, it's bound to be on YouTube.

Eyeing the Internet

The brave new web-world continues to emerge as CBS announces that it’s putting its most popular TV shows on Innertube, the network’s broadband channel.

Now you don’t have to miss any programming when you want to catch popular shows on CBS like "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "CSI: Miami," "CSI: NY." (Got to hand it to a successful formula!)

But don’t think you can ditch your TiVo yet. The shows will only air after they premiere on actual television, and then will only stay up on Innertube for a few weeks. After all, they don’t want to screw up DVD sales and “subscription models.”

The idea is to put the shows online but also respect the first-run rights of CBS affiliates.

"Our belief all along is that all this is additive and doesn't cannibalize the network television," said CBS Prez Larry Kramer in an interview to Reuters/Hollywood Reporter. "We know there's an audience out there that will watch it and not be turned away by the advertising."

You can just hear new revenue streams gushing in, can’t you?

Don’t get us wrong, we are all for it. It’s no great surprise that any day now, the wall between TV and internet is gonna come crashing down and all the Media Empires should be ready to start-up their power tools.

(Way ahead of you, by the way…)

Dancing with "Stars"

August 15, 2006

Tucker Carlson dancing the tango with Jerry Springer. It sounds like a late-night drinking game, but actually, sadly, it's network television.

ABC has announced that the two will be among the "celebrities" competing on the third season of ABC's ''Dancing With the Stars.''

Also heading to the dance floor: Vivica A. Fox, Harry Hamlin, Joe Lawrence, and three-time Super Bowl champion Emmitt Smith. The show is rated pretty high, and we know people who love it.

Wow, is it awful.

"Dancing with the Stars" pairs 11 competitors of dubious celebrity with professional dancer-partners, has them dance the mambo, and then slowly votes them off.

I mean, sure, for the summer time. But another season of watching E-list celebrities dance with people we've never heard of, and suddenly actually watching re-runs of Springer's talk show starts to sound appealling.

The winner receives the ''Dancing With the Stars'' mirror ball trophy, with a plaque that should read, "I was on this crappy show and all I got was this lousy hunk of metal."

Cutely Serious? or Seriously Cute?

In her relentless campaign to gain credibility as the CBS nightly news anchor, Katie Couric continues her grueling trek through America’s heartland, doing biting, no-nonsense “listening tours” and issuing edgy, to-the-point press releases of her findings.

"We're going to take risks and try some new things, and we're not going to be tied to the formulaic evening newscast that we've all pretty much grown up with that hasn't changed very much in the last several decades," Couric said in a meeting reported by Reuters "We're going to take some chances and try some new things."

Does this include her signature insider report from inside her colon? We hope not.

CBS wants their news to stand out and be taken seriously -- more than it did under the reign of government conspiracy patsy and notorious kook, Dan Rather. But CBS also seems to want to include Katie’s trademark perkiness in the equation.

Is there a warm and fuzzy way to say “genocide?”

In that vein, Couric has told Reuters that she is sticking with the name “Katie” and not changing it to “Katherine” like she tried in her early days of “Today.”

So, cute or cutting? Bareknuckle or kid glove? The jury is still out.

And Couric still hasn't settled on a signature "sign-off." If she really wants to stake out the high ground, she needs something terse and earnest, like Rather's "courage." But as an indication of where the chips may fall, Couric has decided to bring in a seasoned, well-respected media consultant to help her come up with a tag.

According to Reuters, Katie has asked her Mom.

Retirement TV

August 14, 2006

Retirement-community mogul John Erickson has announced next month's launch of a television network marketed exclusively to retirees.

Brilliant! And Best of Luck from all of us here at brilliantbutcancelled.com.

''Most of the daytime watchers are retirees,'' Erickson said, ''and nobody programs for them. They think they could run 'Golden Girls' and that's what they are looking for. It's demeaning. People are hungry for information and inspiration.''

And so, Erickson has built the idea into “Retirement Living" -- the network that will run shows like ''Amazing Seniors' -- about the achievements of people after they've retired from their traditional jobs. Erickson also wants to set up a ''Meet the Press''-style public affairs show, and have programs on personal finance, travel and fitness all directed at the AARP set. Walter Cronkite has even taped some material for him.

Older Americans watch plenty of TV but most advertisers notoriously seek young, impressionable viewers. Thus, the majority of networks center their programming on the younger demographic. In trying to break this pattern, Erickson is taking the unique approach of selling four-hour blocks of programming to some existing channels, because roughly 60% of his targeted audience does not have digital cable or satellite.

“Retirement Living” will be seen from noon to 4 p.m. in more than 9 million Comcast cable homes from Maine to Washington, D.C.

''They like it simple,'' said Erickson, ''I think you'll find that everybody wants to talk to this market, but nobody yet has pulled it off."

Ellen 2010

Multiple Daytime emmys, a huge following and the ability to make people dance in the aisles, Ellen Degeneres’ daytime talk show has just been renewed through 2010.

Connecting with “upscale urban soccer moms,” seniors, and those she loves to ridicule (home-schooled children) Ellen has consistently grown her audience and driven out competitors like Sharon Osbourne and Ryan Seacrest.

This week, she closed the deal that will keep her show on the air at least through the 2009-2010 season.

We don’t know how to label this news. Good? Bad? We’re proud of a lesbian who can make a mainstream success of herself and keep her sense of humor about it. Also, she has Allison Janney on … as often as she can. We’re all for that.

At the same time: how many times can we see her check in with all those mentally ill people who are obsessed with her? Or watch the shilling of goods we would never buy for ourselves? It’s all kind of getting to be a little much.

At any rate, she’ll be around for awhile. And the good news is that she loves to show fatties and very stiff men dancing in the aisles, which, at least for us, is pure comedy gold.

Your Date is Cancelled

Still reeling from the news on Friday that “Blind Date” and “Elimidate” have been cancelled, we now accept the fact that American culture as we know it is dead. As a doornail.

How will young people know how to go on dates without these instructional tools? How will they know how to act so inappropriately? Will anyone ever refer to pizza as “za” ever again?

Yes, there are plenty of shows that function along theses same lines- but these were the ground breakers. “Blind Date” took dating to an entirely new (very very low) level, and will leave a far more significant impact than people realize.

In fact, we predict it will be used as an historical tool in years to come. Years from now, in 2525, our half-robot great-great-etc-grandchildren will be pulling “Blind Date” from the vaults to study 2006 mating and courtship rituals.

“Were Turn-of-The-Millennium couples really so cruel and stupid?” grad students will ask in their dissertations. “And what about those ‘thought bubbles’? Were they actual thought-recordings of the nubile young blonde in the hot tub or were they manufactured for entertainment purposes?”

The debate will continue for centuries and “Blind Date” will be credited as the moment when mystery was removed from true love. On television.

Another show. Not brilliant. Mercifully Cancelled.

Catwalk. Picket Line. Whatever.

August 11, 2006

It seems that over at “America’s Next Top Model,” a dozen of the writers have gone on strike. Writers? But it’s reality TV, there are writers?

Well, yes and no.

The writers are actually producers and no, they do not create dialogue for contestants. They would like to be clear about that. They do, however, shape the series. And what they do is, in essence, storytelling.

''There seems to be this idea that we feed lines to the girls and that we really do manipulate the actual shooting. That is not true at all,'' said one of the strikers.

Said another, ''We look at primary characters, maybe look at who is being eliminated that week, and craft an arc so that their elimination is either something the viewers are sad about or happy about.” This is why they are referred to as the “Story Department.” They are responsible for watching over 200 hours of raw footage per episode, and shaping it into a story.

Ask a writer, and we’ll tell you: dialogue is a snap. Shaping the story -- that’s the real writing.

Other secondary story lines are decided and, after an outline is drafted, the writers scrutinize the footage and choose ''line by line how to best tell the story and craft it to a 41-minute episode with a beginning, middle and end.'

That makes them eligible for WGA representation and benefits they now lack, including health insurance, pensions, wage minimums, residuals and credits.

The strike is the latest and most aggressive move in the Writers Guild of America’s two-year effort to unionize reality TV. The ''Top Model'' strikers have been joined on the picket line by writers from ''Family Guy,'' ''King of the Hill'' and ''The Simpsons'' -- all animated series, which gained WGA coverage only after a strike threat.

So what does “Top Model” creator Tyra Banks have to say about it all?

“No Comment.”

Follow Up With Phil

Phil McGraw, who brought his ''Dr. Phil'' show to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina, is returning this week to tape follow-up episodes. And probably to get in some good old-fashioned snack-time.

Since touring the city by boat last September, the TV pop-psychologist has used his show to focus on, among other things, New Orleans' recovery efforts. McGraw is specifically focusing on first responders -police officers and firefighters who lost their homes while rescuing others.

This week, McGraw is revisiting many of the people and places he saw last year, taping episodes that will air in several weeks. Now if only we could get the government to check up on the progress of clean-up efforts ....

Shatner Wants You

One-man PR juggernaut William Shatner, aka Capt. James T. Kirk, aka web-travel-site-barker, aka the guy who loves to spoof himself -- is looking for a spokesperson for his new science fiction DVD club.

He's launched an online contest and wants the voting public to select 10 finalists. Shatner will then pick the winner, who will be named spokesperson for the William Shatner Science Fiction DVD Club.

The winner also will receive ''a large cash award,'' according to the contest announcement. Entrants must create a short video clip that shows why they have what it takes and submit it by Sept. 30.

''This is an opportunity for new faces and new voices in the science fiction world to be seen and heard,'' Shatner said in a statement Thursday, “Plus, this is a chance for passionate fans to be the first to discover the next M. Night Shyamalan or Brandon Routh, and help propel them into stardom,'' the 75-year-old actor said.

That’s right. 75. And still going strong.

Jay Z, MTV and Water

August 10, 2006

First Angelina Jolie fell in love with Africa. Then Brad Pitt was convinced. And now Jay Z.
The rapper/president of Def Jam Records whose real name is Shawn Carter, said he had been looking for a way to help people, and when he visited Africa on tour he was struck at how many of the world's poor lacked such a basic necessity.

So the rapper is teaming up with the United Nations and MTV to get children involved in the fight against the worldwide water crisis. He cites statistics that 1.1 billion people live without clean drinking water and 2.6 billion lack proper sanitation.

''I figure that once I stumbled upon that, if the information was out and young people knew that these problems exist while we're having Poland Springs at Cipriani and things like that, that we'll get involved,'' said the 36-year-old rapper, referring to the high-class restaurant chain.

''As I started looking around and looking at ways that I could become helpful, it started at the first thing _ water, something as simple as water,'' he said at a news conference at U.N. headquarters yesterday. ''It took very little, very little to see these numbers.''

MTV film crews will follow the rapper on his worldwide tour, which begins Sept. 9. ''The Diary of Jay-Z: Water for Life'' will feature first-person accounts of meetings with people around the world who lack water, MTV President Christina Norman said.

Screech Scuffles in Omaha

Dustin Diamond, who played geeky Screech Powers on the '90s teen comedy ''Saved by the Bell,'' says he scuffled with a woman at an Omaha hotel earlier this week.

Diamond, who performed at the Funny Bone Comedy Club Thursday through Sunday, told a Tampa, Fla., radio station that a woman broke into his room in a west Omaha hotel early Monday morning.

Diamond said the woman grabbed some video games, and he held her against the hotel room door until police arrived. The 28-year-old woman denied attacking Diamond and told police he had assaulted her.

Omaha Police Sgt. Teresa Negron said no charges have been filed. ''It's a case of 'he said, she said,''' Negron said.

Diamond, 29, is touring the United States with an 18-and-older standup comedy show.

In June, Diamond said he was selling T-shirts with his photo on them to try to raise money to save his Milwaukee home, which was under a foreclosure order.

You can still buy his T-shirts here. Now who wants to guess how long it will take the alleged victim to make a T-shirt that says: “I scuffled with Screech?”

Relevant TV News

No, it’s not a joke. A network news division is actually going to air some relevant programming. CBS' Mike Wallace travels to Tehran to interview the Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Really.

The newsman snagged an interview this week with the current president of Iran while the country is at the center of several international controversies from nuclear power to the Israel/Hezbollah war.

The interview will be shown Thursday on the ''CBS Evening News.'' A fuller report will air on Sunday's ''60 Minutes.”
Of Ahmadinejad, Wallace said, ''He's an impressive fellow, this guy. He really is. He's obviously smart as hell.''
Wallace said he was surprised to find that the Iranian president was still a college professor who taught a graduate-level course.

''You'll find him an interesting man,'' he said. ''I expected more of a firebrand. I don't think he has the slightest doubt about how he feels ... about the American administration and the Zionist state. He comes across as more rational than I had expected.''

Wallace said he and producers Bob Anderson and Casey Morgan had been seeking the interview for more than a year, since he sat next to Ahmadinejad at a United Nations breakfast and told the Iranian leader that he'd like to come to Iran to talk to him someday. Wallace admitted he had forgotten about that encounter until the Iranian president brought it up.

Summoned to Iran for the interview, Wallace and his team waited for nearly a week until he was brought in to speak to Ahmadinejad.

Tehran in August isn't Wallace's usual haunt; that's when you'll usually find him in Martha's Vineyard. It's also no way to spend retirement. CBS News announced in the spring that Wallace had retired as a regular ''60 Minutes'' correspondent, although he would still be available for special interviews.

Wallace said he nearly fell out of his chair when Ahmadinejad told him, ''I hear this is your last interview.''
Wallace said he replied: ''What do you think? Is it a good idea to retire?''

He said the Iranian president told him it was important to keep doing interesting things. And Wallace is already thinking about his next story: he said he's trying for an interview with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.